30
Mar
09

“Honest” Ed Mirvish was not a funny man

I live in Toronto’s Annex… the setting for the awesome show Annex’d. One particular landmark that I’m not far from is Honest Ed’s. It’s a labyrinth of a store that sells shitty things for sometimes cheaper prices than other stores that sell shitty things. I hear it’s also used for settling the occasional duel between a hipster and an evil ex-boyfriend … but maybe I’m wrong about that.

What I’m going to write about is the HORRENDOUS gags that are all over Honest Ed’s obnoxious walls. Search out some Honest Ed’s pictures… it’s one of the most distinct stores you’ll ever see. Three out of the four walls are covered with terrible “signage” (I hate that word so much I had to use it). What’s really distinct is the new level of pathetically bad humor he’s able to create with his god awful puns.

For example:

 

Eeew...

Eeew...

 

Okay… so that’s kind of lame. It’s kind of a bad pun… the quotation marks are really irritating. You might think that one is fine though… so let’s continue.

 

Argh..

Argh..

 

Okay even if you liked that first one… there’s no way you’re on board with this one. You can tell this was one of the last ones that either Ed or some joke writing idiot thought up. It’s also abundantly clear that they started at the ending and worked their way back. It also has those damn quotation marks again. 

 

WHAT!?

WHAT!?

THIS ONE MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE. This is fucking DEVOID of humor and it runs completely contrary to the wacky “hoho his prices are low” theme of all the other signs. It doesn’t work as a pun. It doesn’t work as a clever inversion of a normal sentence. There’s no solid connection between the punchline and the setup. This one is punctuated badly too, but in a whole new way! Here, the quotation marks actually make sense, but the whole thing is just one weak run on.

 

I wish it said "blood" instead of "bargains"...

I wish it said "blood" instead of "bargains"...

While taking these pictures I realized that at one point they just ran out of gags and had to make up some nonsense to fill the space between the bright lights. There’s not even a pun here. It’s just a dumb sentence with an exclamation point.

 

... what does this even MEAN?

... what does this even MEAN?

Now THIS one is really enraging. The punchline must be something from the 30s, because it’s a saying that almost doesn’t exist today. The setup also doesn’t make any sense. Why would Honest Ed be wet? Why are Honest Ed himself and his bargains always being compared literally? STOP!

 

Jesus... no...

Jesus... no...

Of all the signs I saw, there were THREE that had some kind “nut” reference on them. I’m surprised he didn’t also use “bananas”, “screwy”, “loony”, and “cuckoo”. I guess good ol’ Honest Ed never expected people to actually look at more than one of these awful signs. I figure most people look at one and move on, but they drive me NUTTIER THAN A BOX OF NUTS “THAT COME OUT OF MY EARS BECAUSE I’M NUTTY!”

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1 Response to ““Honest” Ed Mirvish was not a funny man”


  1. 1 Jessica the coolest Roomie Ever
    April 5, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    It’s funny that I should come home and read this when not half an hour ago I walked by Honest Ed’s and read the one saying “Honest Ed’s Embarassed, he got caught with his prices down” (or something along those lines) and thought, god that’s fucking stupid. But I guess he was wealthier than I’ll ever likely be so I can’t really say much.


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